Do I deserve it?

Everybody has an internal dialogue. Their own thoughts float in time through their life expériences. They take many shapes and sizes and vary with our moods, the contexts we live in, the people in our lives , etc.

Sometimes, the inner voice is encouraging. It believes in you and says you can do it. It reassures you in your anxious moments and reminds you that everything is going to be okay, in the end. It wraps you up in comforting, compassionate and gentle words. It takes time to listen and it knows that your mistakes will permit you to go forward, that they are necessary for you to evolve. It looks at you with love and inspiration. It has great fun seeing you succeed in your way and step by step to reach your goals.

However, at other times, it is  rude and cold. It tears your hope in a million tiny pieces. It destroys your confidence and your desires. It observes your failure while laughing loudly. It enjoys maliciously seeing you fall. It hopes with all of its might  that you won’t make it. It shouts when you finally attempt to reply to it. It weighs heavily on your shoulders and puts in every possible effort to slow you down, to stop you from succeeding. It’s constantly telling you such phrases as: «you’re not worth it», «you’re so stupid», «take a look at yourself», etc. It  does everything in its power to chain you up. It feeds on your losses and your isolation. 

These two voices are distinct, but they both have something in common: they approach you; they both live inside of you. The first voice, the rewarding and caring one, accompanies you through your development as a human being. It represents your own core, your will to live and to find wellbeing. It’s the unhealthy environment, the derogatory comments, the insults and non constructive criticisms, the injustices, the impossible standards to reach a perfection and the social pressure that stumps all over that first and good voice. Very few negative thoughts come from our own core. They come, in majority, from outside sources. 

Is it possible to give more space to one of the two  voices? Which one takes more space inside of you right now? Are you satisfied with it? Do you deserve it?

Let me help you. No one deserves the torture that the discouraging and degrading  voice inflicts. No one deserves to feel bad on a daily basis. No one deserves to feel desperation and negativity  when  facing  their goals, their abilities and their selves in general.

Think about the last time you felt emotionally lighter. When was the last time you felt excitement before an upcoming event? And when was the last time you didn’t fear tomorrow nor fear how you looked? Think about the last time when you believed in yourself. Are you there yet? Great. Now, try to stay there for a few seconds. Allow yourself to believe in yourself. Allow yourself to feel invincible, encouraged and capable.

One can never stay in this mental state  indefinitely, but there are ways to encourage change. That second bad voice, the one that loses it’s time trying to attract you closer to misfortune, well it’s always going to come back for some time. However, it’s possible to learn how to find that first peaceful voice more often, dare I say, the majority of time. You can achieve this with the help of others to guide you through it. There are quite a few resources out there to help you with this process.

I believe in your abilities to change and in your strength. I believe you do, in fact, deserve that good voice.

Élisabeth Nolan, social worker at Maison L’Éclaircie